Midnight Concert Hall: Em Beihold - "Tales of a Failed Shapeshifter" LP {Taffy Tuesday #5}
Hello, Internet, and good mornight to you all!
My name is Taffryne, shoppekeeper of Midnight on Memory Lane, and it is my absolute delight to welcome you to the second ever edition of Taffy Tuesday within the Midnight Concert Hall!!!
'Tis an honour, 'tis a pleasure indeed.
As the title of this post says, we're going to be talking about Em Beihold's debut album, "Tales of a Failed Shapeshifter" and it's LP released in 2026!
I humbly present my thoughts for your enjoyment and consideration.
Em Beihold Store Link (NOT SPONSORED): click here!
YouTube Playlist Link: click here!
Vinyl Review
The Record
The record is your standard 12" at 33 1/3 RPM size. The labels are a stormy grey-blue-slightly-purple with the fantasy antler motifs and song names (including their playtime, oddly enough). No skips, scuffs, or other damage upon arrival which is always a pleasure!
My only head tilt is the vinyl's colouring. My record is less blue and more grey/clear than I was expecting. In the photo online the vinyl seems like a rather bright pastel blue that's translucent whereas the one I'm holding only has a wee hint of that colour. Vinyl is a physical medium, so naturally there will always be differences in colorants. Full disclosure, it could very well be that the lighting here is dimmer or the lighting at the time of photos was overly bright. More clear, more blue. It's still a really nice pressing and fits the fae/mystic scheme.
The Art
Aside from Em just being a gorgeous human in general, These photos are beautiful. I love the sunset matching the colours of her dress while her heels match the flowers in her antlers. The deflated evening gown look adds to the whole "failed" part in "failed shapeshifter". The deer-in-headlights is also a great motif to pull because it makes it seem like she keeps getting spooked mid-shift or mid-transition and can't commit all the way. I assume the photo on the inside of the jacket gatefold includes a taxidermy or fake dear? I'm not entirely sure to be fully transparent. The back of the jacket art is great in showing another version of "failing" as a shapeshifter. Various patterns, different fabric textures. It all "works" together in a mad-hatter type of way. The "EB1" on the license plate is a cute wink-wink to this being her first album too.
The Signed Print
At the time I purchased this album, the signed version was still available. The signed print is just a high-quality print of the jacket cover art (this is the signed side) and a bonus photo of Em with flowers in her hair on the reverse side. I don't personally get ride-or-die about having signed albums (being a Stay has well and truly prevented me from doing so, hehe), but I love collecting signatures (thanks to my work with voice actors in the past). I really like Em Beihold's music and her vibes, so I'm really happy I was able to snag a signed copy before she gets too big to stay in stock! I guess I'll add the "Emerald" fan-name to my collection now!
The Printed Sleeve
Blessed be, my dears! The sleeve for the record this time was NOT the demon paper sleeve! It is instead a custom printed sleeve in a smokey-purple colour and dark purple text (inverted on the reverse side) where different moon phases are labeled with different song titles. Again, I love all the folklore/fae motifs they've crammed into this design.
Because I'm a bit keepsake freak, I use the printed sleeve to store the signed print and lyrics/credit/letter-insert while the record goes into one of my archival sleeves. What can I say? I'm a sentimental, preserving momentos is a big part of my job.
The Everything Insert
Printed in pale-pink with moon and animal motifs is a 3-in-1 insert that holds every song's lyrics and credits alongside a very sweet dedication/thank-you letter from Em! Shoutout to her little kitty Bingo! I love inserts like these (joined or separated) because they just make the ownership of the album feel a little more special. It's a glimpse into the passion of the artist themselves and also fun to read along as the songs play!
Album Reflection
Staying true to it's namesake, "Tales of a Failed Shapeshifter is a series of jumps and twists through different instrumentals, vocals, genres, and motifs all within one bigger picture of "The Shapeshifter". The songs are distinct enough to stand on their own while bearing a subconscious resemblance throughout that allows it to serve as one cohesive identity. Whimsy, darkness, magic, power, truth. Each song brings an energy to the table and sits with you as you experience each transition from beginning to aftermath.
I've listened through the full album many times and have one-song-looped certain tracks for days straight. There's this resonance the songs hit that just strikes me and keeps me hooked for the next. Some are introspective, some are retrospective, and the rest are observational. It's one giant story time of thoughts and I love every minute of it.
I would absolutely love to recommend this to anyone who wants a little taste of everything that alt/indie-pop has to offer. It's a real melting-pot of an album, so I think there's a good chance everyone could find at least one song they like!
Without further ado, I present my thoughts on each track below!
"Scared of the Dark" ~ A-Side Track #1
"I'm scared of the part when no one else is home; No, I can't be a lone"
"I'm afraid you're gonna turn the light off when you leave"
I love how "Scared of the Dark" opens up with this slow violin into a more band-led bounce. I hope these terms I throw make sense to you all... The ghostly lengths in the vocals are also gorgeous.
I think the genius of this song is that there's so many ways to interpret it. Is it about the need for attention and adoration? Is it the general need for socialization?
If I had to pose my thoughts, I think it could also be a good representation of Em's hiatus from making music. She had "Egg in the Backseat" in 2022, bit of featured activity in 2023, less in 2024, but then came back swinging in 2025 with the first singles from this album. Em's talked about how she felt burnt-out and the break she took, so I think the line about the light being turned off is especially related to that fear. The fear that her being "distant" because "something's missing" (her hiatus and burnout from music) meant that those she enjoyed sharing her music with would forget her and throw away the key on the way out. There's a lot of talk about the fan-side of fan-idol relationships, but this song focuses on the idol-side of things. Heroes need their villains like singers need their audience. It's a codependent relationship, for sure. It's a bit funny though, too. What's scarier? The fear of nobody being there or how afraid that fear makes you?
"Brutus" ~ A-Side Track #2
"And I wish you the best while I'm watching from the side, but if I'm speaking honestly, I wish I had your life"
I love how openly this song talks about envy and jealousy. It's an ugly sentiment, but that doesn't make it less natural. I think there's something really therapeutic in being able to recognize those feelings and get them out in a constructive manner. Shoving them down would cause resentment and trying to act like you don't would be too taxing. You're allowed to admit to having "mean" feelings. You can't help what you feel. What matters is that you acknowledge them, address the issue, and move on.
I also enjoy how the lyrics show the spiral someone could go through if they are constantly vying for the life of someone else without focusing on their own. It goes from envious compliments, to villainizing the subject, to suffering under the weight of obsession. I love how the the "I wish" in each version of the chorus seems to get more aggressive, too.
"Minus that part with the knife" is such a fun lyric, honestly. I know in the video there actually is that part with the knife, but that's fiction!
"Unicorn" ~ A-Side Track #3
"Haven't you heard? I'm a new girl, not the same?"
"Don't know why I'm so torn; And I get so obsessed, don't you treat me like the rest; I'm your unicorn"
Immediately, I loved the beat and the darker vocals on this song compared to the rest of the album. The parts where she walks her voice down as she reveals more of her obsession scratch my brain so well.
"Unicorn" is such a fun spin on the obsession that people will have with specifically showing that they're doing better than their ex-friends/partners/etc. It's a real double-edged sword because you want to show them that you don't even care and have reinvented yourself into something better...but if you're whole point is specifically to stick it to them...doesn't that mean you still care about what they think?
There's an true irony in demanding that someone see you as their ultra-special one-that-got-away "unicorn" while trying to pretend that you don't care about them at all.
"Van Gogh" ~ A-Side Track #4
"I hold on tight to the girl I was before, but I'm not her anymore"
"Everyone knows I'm spiraling like: I'm never gonna be the girl you thought, I'm never gonna find a way to stop"
This song intrigues me because I want to say it describes the craze of constantly reinventing yourself until something finally "sticks". You lose yourself amongst the versions of "you" that you tried to create until you can't even remember or return to what the original "you" was. The people who love you are trying to support or stop you, but if they did you're not even sure who'd you be at that point.
There's a conviction to it. A sunk-cost fallacy, I suppose, after so many iterations. That hope that if you just find the "right" mix of colours than they can write it all off as a "growing phase". I've had a few spirals of trying to force myself to be someone I'm not (who hasn't?), and all I remember is the misery and exhaustion. Honestly, every memory from that period of my life just comes back in shades of "wrong".
"Hot Goblin" ~ A-Side Track #5
"I feel so unapologetic, so divine, until the moment the stars don't align, and I say 'Oh, my God, I'm so tired of this; One minute I'm a siren and the next I'm a fish'"
"Hot Goblin" is a song I could feel in the very core of my bone marrow. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt over the moon, have the smallest issue happen, and then I am in the depths of underground sewage pipes. Confidence is such a fickle thing to maintain, for those who don't have it naturally.
It's something to work and build on, which thankfully the lyrics in the song show a peace was made. I'm still working on mine, but I like to play this one and just jam out when my self-esteem feels wobbly.
"Got a range I can trust, and a strange intuition to sing half a key up"
I just wanted to toss this in here because I have so much fun when singers get meta with their lyrics!
"Exorcism" ~ A-Side Track #6
"Turn down the voices in my head (turn off the existential dread"
"Is an exorcism what I need to like my own company?"
As someone who struggles with intrusive thoughts, specifically, this song struck a chord in me when I first listened to it. There's a vulnerability in being fed-up with yourself and your own issues. Especially when it seems like other people magically fix theirs or never had any to begin with. Sometimes it can be incredibly challenging to sit with yourself, flaws and all, and be okay with what you're sitting with. Life gets complicated fast, and humans are some of the most complicated lifeforms therein.
All I ask, as annoying as it gets to hear, is give yourself some grace. It's okay to be frustrated. It's okay to not be okay sometimes. Feel it, process it, and keep breathing through the progress.
"Lottery" ~ B-Side Track #7
"They'd come for the money, but never for me; Oh, I'm lucky I don't play the lottery"
I absolutely adore everything musically present in "Lottery". The build-up of the instrumentals, the carousel-esque vocals in the back, something in how Em sings words with the "old" syllable specifically. It has such a grand journey of energy from piano to strings to drums that makes you feel the story in it's entirety.
As for the lyrics, I love how we go through this full life-span of a suddenly rich woman discovering the highs and lows of a "more money, more problems" lifestyle. It goes from parties and shopping to half-hearted philanthropy and ends with the classic inheritance war before she's ever even bought a lottery ticket.
"Sometimes the winners lose everything"
Perhaps this is grim, but this made me think of the huge life insurance or lawsuit payouts you'll see in the news. Sure, they got $10 million dollars for wrongful death...but that doesn't un-kill the dead person.
"Soup" ~ B-Side Track #8
"Oh, it's easy to taste, hard to swallow; Might be fillin' me up, but I'm hollow"
"Soup" is an excellent diss towards the people who seem to offload every aspect of their life and identity to someone or something else. The people who rely on everyone else or goddamn AI chat-bots to function in daily life (excluding medical conditions, obviously). You're supposed to have personalities and interests and quirks! Something as simple as a favourite colour or a word that you always misspell goes a long way in leading a full life.
It's okay to follow trends (responsibly). It's okay to be influenced by things (in moderation). That's how you learn and explore the things you like and don't like. I can't tell you how much of my patchwork personality has been shaped by the memories of my shoppe clients, my family, my friends, heck, my pets, even the pop-culture media I interact with. Your ability to think, feel, and express yourself is the biggest asset you have in making substantial connections in this world. For the sake of your memories, please, explore and express!
"Shiny New Things" ~ B-Side Track #9
"Everybody wants shiny new things, nobody wants a connection; Everybody wants shiny new things, and then they're on to the next one"
"'Cause when gold's your only motive, it can get real lonely"
Perhaps the most in-you-face with it's meaning, "Shiny New Things" is a giant call-out to trends, hyper-consumerism, and materialism cultures that run rampant nowadays. Don't get me wrong. I love me a good curated collection of things or a nice merch drop. My issue, and the issues brought up in the song, is that there's no appreciation for the new thing they have because they are already focused on getting the next one. Why focus on talking to this person when the "better" person is over there? Who can celebrate this thing when the new limited edition drop is next week?
I love how the music style of the song itself feels like it's repeating while altering itself slightly different to keep your attention. Towards the end, it's not even giving you full lyrics. It's just giving you the next noise, the next beat, the next catchy bit. Really, really well done.
"Strong Medicine" ~ B-Side Track #10
"Never getting better, but I'm better if I get a bit of strong, strong medicine"
"I just want to get back home, back to myself, back in control"
"Strong Medicine" specifically spoke to my craving of wanting the "magic pill". The "cure all". The "make it go away and just fix me" tonic. To be frank, if I was offered a guaranteed "fit-it-all" right now, I'd take it. I think most people would. It's natural to want the easy solution that could just make it go away so you can get back to feeling well again.
That's probably the biggest struggle in doing self-work or therapy or such. Maybe you got a dosage, but it wasn't the right one or the side-effects were too much. Maybe you just wanted a counselor, but the progress is slow and feels too slow at times. You just want to get "back", but getting back takes time. Em's lyrics all play into this over-arching theme of failing at reinventing/fixing yourself in a really slick way.
"Won't Let Go" ~ B-Side Track #11
"Everything I said, know I meant it; I'll hold your hand, I won't let go"
First off, her Grandmother's voice sounds like the most warm and sweet person ever.
I've said it before in these posts, but grief is one of the strongest sentiments I experience. Grief entwined with love, even more so. This song is one of the most beautiful tributes I've heard, especially in knowing about her Grandmother's dementia.
The amount of cherishing, protection, and dedication woven into every lyric and vocal is incredible. The instrumentals building as her promise and conviction does is immaculate. The evolution of "I won't let go" from being present with someone to carrying their memory is soul-touching.
I would hope that all of us, when the time comes and all we become is within the remembrance of others, have someone who carries our living legacy with as much dedication and adoration as Em does in this song.
T/N: Obligatory "put something here to break up the drastic tone change"
Thanks for Reading!
I hope you've been able to listen and enjoy the story for yourself! If you haven't, that's okay too! My thoughts are here to keep you updated and entertained in the meantime.
This caps off this week's gathering for Taffy Tuesday, so off into the nighttime we go in preparation for tomorrow!
I hope you'll come back for tomorrow's Watch Party Wednesday! We're back at it with another episode of our dramatic trio (Whale Store xoxo, I Cannot Reach You, Idol I)!
May we meet again at Midnight!